I laughed only once in this entire flick – and I can’t remember why.  Terrible.

FF=6

See, here’s what happens: Someone says see this film, so I add it to my long Netflix queue.  By the time it arrives and I watch it and realize it’s a huge steaming pile of doo-doo, I’ve forgotten who recced it, so therefore I cannot strangle him, thereby leaving him free to rec more doo-doo.  Awful.

FF=6

Never heard of this, but a reader wrote, asking if it sounded familiar. She’d seen it twice and said the opening appeared to be lifted directly from “The Last Rakosh.” I had to see for myself. Wish I’d left it alone. It’s a-w-f-u-l.  I certainly didn’t invent the weird-thing-in-the-circus-cart plot (I think I first came across that in 20 Million Miles to Earth) but I do think I was the first to meld it with the Androcles fable. Anyway, none of that is here. Utterly predictable. Don’t waste your time.

FF=6

Why did I rent this flaming, squawking turkey?  Because I love Zorro.  Always have – until now.  Man, I hated this movie.  Zorro as domestic drama.  Ugh!  I really, really hated this movie.  Really.

FF=6

The water imagery is cool, but I was not engaged. Single parent with child moves into haunted house / building / apartment.  How many films have been premised on this situation? Been there, done that too many times.

FF= 6

Quit at the halfway mark.  Would have bailed sooner but I dozed off.  Did not care a whit what happened to these people.

FF= 6

A vile, sadistic film. I think Hamas suicide bombers would find it beneath them.  The life-hating self-loathing of the characters is exceeded only by that of the writer-director and his fawning claque in the genre media.  I could go on but it’s not worth the keystrokes.

FF= 6

Some crap can’t engage even me.

FF= 5/6 (might even be a 7)